Free to be me!

FREEDOM!

 

After 6 months of redundancy, 5 of which I spent fretting about what it is I was going to do with myself, I am finally at peace.  I realised towards the end of 2011 that I didn’t want to find another 9-5 to disappear into again.  In fact, I never want to work another 9-5 again for the rest of my life!  I’m just not wired that way.  I need my freedom!  I need to have the flexibility to come and go as I please and focus my energy on what I want to do.  I don’t want to answer to a boss or fall in line with someone else’s agenda. 

I just want to be me! 

So I have given myself permission to just do me and I am loving it!

The 2 things I enjoy the most is writing (hence this blog), singing and songwriting.  I also have a special love for the guitar and I have already written and performed a few acoustic inspirational songs.  When I sing and get around music, I get this sense of peace and belonging.  It is as if everything inside me is in unity and I fly away into another realm of peace and tranquillity. 

This time is very special to me, because I have finally allowed myself to explore my passion for music fully.  I say finally because when I was 16 I auditioned and was accepted into the BRITS performing arts school (which is not an easy school to get into), to do a music course, but I dropped out just after 2 day!  At the time I thought it was the best thing for me, I was very insecure with my musical abilities and was absolutely petrified of failing.  I tortured myself by comparing myself against the other students who seemed SO much better than me and convinced myself that I would be better off at an academic college doing A ‘Levels!  I didn’t do so well in my A ‘Levels, in fact I left with 2 E’s in sociology and business studies!  I knew I had made a mistake not long after I had left BRITS, but I had made my decision and had to get on with it.  It has been a regret I have carried for the last 15 years, but after my redundancy, it gave me the push I needed to do something about it.

So last September 2011, I enrolled myself onto a song writing and artist development diploma course and I haven’t looked back.   My prayer is that one-day (hopefully soon) that I will have the opportunity to do something professionally with my music, so I am starting by developing myself.  In addition to my diploma course I am am taking singing, guitar lessons and basic music theory with my tutor. 

The fear of failure is no longer an issue.  The energy I used to supress this innate desire I have for music has now been refocused and channelled into allowing myself to explore and be free with it.

So I visualise the best of what I want, believe anything is possible, speak life over my dreams and take action to get me to the place I want to be. 

Bless 🙂 xx

 

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2 thoughts on “Free to be me!

  1. I’m glad to see you’re facing your fears. I thin keeping this blog will help you on this journey too. My best to you.

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