Losing a friend

I use this blog as one of my outlets, I’m know everyone experiences similar or varying complexities in their lives also, so here’s one of my recents…

I got a text out of the blue from someone I considered a good friend today, she said:

“I would appreciate it if you left my family alone, Many thanks. Name here”

I couldn’t believe it!  I was totally shocked and didnt see that coming at all?!?  I have genuinely racked my brain and searched my soul to try to figure out what I could have possibly done to cause such a kick reaction from a so called friend…?  I couldn’t find an answer, except that I have been in conversations with her husband recently about having piano lessons (all above board, no funny business, completely professional etc), and I’ve concluded that she possibly didn’t like this…?  To my understanding there has been illness and confusion in the family this year, so I think it could be a lash out on me because of that…? It is sad, because it does genuinely hurt, I am sad that I have lost a friend – especially when I don’t know why?

…This situation does press on old childhood wounds, I used to get bullied, excluded and lose friendships without explanation then too, I’ve often wondered why some people just reject me for no apparent reason?  It makes me feel really insecure and I question myself all the time: do they like me?  Is this person a true friend?  Will this person abandon me also?  I’m forever over checking myself, I’m never sure if someone is a genuine friend or if they are hating me behind me back – sometimes I just feel like I must be a horrible person, and that people are repelled by me.  I experience people pushing me away and just seeming like that just don’t want me around…?

…Anyway I’m going too deep, letting my mind run away into places that are harmful and not helpful…my true thought about myself is that I am loving, caring, kind, generous, considerate and overall a sincerely beautiful person, with may gifts, talents and pearls to offer in life and to anyone who choses to do life with me…I’m not a horrible person!  Its their loss, I wish people could be more honest and transparent about their feelings, thoughts, concerns etc – oh well, I cant let it tear me down.  I’ve lost about an hour pondering over this scenario and I’m now gonna lay it to rest…

My prayer…Father heal this situation, shed light on the areas of misunderstanding and bring reconciliation with your loving peace.

…I wish them well anyway, and really pray that one day that we can be reconciled.  Life is too short to hold grudges and keep bad vibes…

Amen ❤ x

 

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