After 6 months of redundancy, 5 of which I spent fretting about what it is I was going to do with myself, I am finally at peace. I realised towards the end of 2011 that I didn’t want to find another 9-5 to disappear into again. In fact, I never want to work another 9-5 again for the rest of my life! I’m just not wired that way. I need my freedom! I need to have the flexibility to come and go as I please and focus my energy on what I want to do. I don’t want to answer to a boss or fall in line with someone else’s agenda.
I just want to be me!
So I have given myself permission to just do me and I am loving it!
The 2 things I enjoy the most is writing (hence this blog), singing and songwriting. I also have a special love for the guitar and I have already written and performed a few acoustic inspirational songs. When I sing and get around music, I get this sense of peace and belonging. It is as if everything inside me is in unity and I fly away into another realm of peace and tranquillity.
This time is very special to me, because I have finally allowed myself to explore my passion for music fully. I say finally because when I was 16 I auditioned and was accepted into the BRITS performing arts school (which is not an easy school to get into), to do a music course, but I dropped out just after 2 day! At the time I thought it was the best thing for me, I was very insecure with my musical abilities and was absolutely petrified of failing. I tortured myself by comparing myself against the other students who seemed SO much better than me and convinced myself that I would be better off at an academic college doing A ‘Levels! I didn’t do so well in my A ‘Levels, in fact I left with 2 E’s in sociology and business studies! I knew I had made a mistake not long after I had left BRITS, but I had made my decision and had to get on with it. It has been a regret I have carried for the last 15 years, but after my redundancy, it gave me the push I needed to do something about it.
So last September 2011, I enrolled myself onto a song writing and artist development diploma course and I haven’t looked back. My prayer is that one-day (hopefully soon) that I will have the opportunity to do something professionally with my music, so I am starting by developing myself. In addition to my diploma course I am am taking singing, guitar lessons and basic music theory with my tutor.
The fear of failure is no longer an issue. The energy I used to supress this innate desire I have for music has now been refocused and channelled into allowing myself to explore and be free with it.
So I visualise the best of what I want, believe anything is possible, speak life over my dreams and take action to get me to the place I want to be.
Bless 🙂 xx