RIP Whitney xxx

I need to send out my tribute to Whitney on my blog…

I was supposed to do a post on Saturday, I’m glad I waited until now, so I could include my tribute to one of the most amazing voices of all time.  I shed some tears today as I reminised over the countless times my mum used to play the bodyguard soundtrack that my dad got for her birthday when it first came out.  I also giggled to myself at the many times I used to prance around with my hairbrush in front of the mirror pretending I was you on stage!  I used to look at this album cover and think you were so beautufil and imaged what it be like to be all grown up and beautiful like you one day!

…R.I.P Withney, your voice was such an amazing inspiration!  My mother’s favourite song was ‘I will Always Love You,’ of which I sang with my sister at her funeral, so I am so so very sad you have gone, its like loosing my mother all over again!  My heart goes out to your daughter Bobbi Kristina, the loss of a mother is so deep and devastating, I pray that she is comforted knowing that you are home with God, I pray now that you have found peace also.  God bless you xxx

Until I found out about Whitney, my weekend was going really well.  But you know something, this has really helped me to continue putting things into perspective.  Some things which is so important to me now more than ever, as I see the greats departing from the world as we know it and after the loss of my mother is:

  • Live each day to the fullest
  • Maximise the time
  • Don’t put off for tomorrow that which you can do today
  • Really love and appreciate people when they are around

We just dont know when it will be the last time we will see someone, so I say live life with no regrets, do your best to live well with people, make peace where there is strife and also make peace God.

Bless xxx


A message from God, Part 2: Rock bottom!

I’d love to be able to write here, that I skipped along to the Alpha course, and everything was magically ok again, but unfortunately I cannot pretend – it DID NOT go like that.  I hit rock bottom shortly after I attended that church service.  So much had gone on, and I was still nursing my wounds…

2010 was the most traumatic year of my life!  I had been through some emotionally disturbing times, but this, this was the worst ever!

To my shock and deep sadness, it was time for my sweet dear mother to be called home.  My mum passed in January 2010, but I had kept soldiering on with work, my counselling training, assignments, counselling clients, work, church, ministry, moving house, sorting out my mother’s estate – I was like a machine!

By the summer, I was emotionally exhausted!  I had nothing left to give, I physically couldn’t cope with much so I took the summer off work to rest and recuperate.  I worked in schools, so I was able to take the time out without much fuss – thank God!

After my 5-week break, I went back to work.  I really did not feel ready, (I could have done with 6 months off) but I felt guilty for taking so much time off so I went back.

My job role changed shortly after I retuned back to work due to company restructuring.  I was quite sad about this, because I loved my job.  My new role was very different to what I had been used to and this made me really unhappy.

After a couple of months of being back at work, I fell apart.

I remember driving to work one day and I just broke out into uncontrollable tears.  I had to pull over, because I couldn’t see anything, I was hysterical!  I phoned my dad, sobbing.  He could barely make out what I was saying, but he knew things were serious.

I couldn’t quite verbalise what was happening at the time, but it was as if the world that I had once known was being snatched away from me layer by layer.  I didn’t have a say, I was getting caught up in a tornado and losing things.  I felt out of control, like I was losing who I was, nothing made sense anymore – I felt like I’d dropped into a black hole of empty and had no clue what was happening, I couldn’t make sense of anything!

Everything that I felt contributed to my life, my identity was going away.  Mum, work, church, my flat, friends even God – I felt stripped, naked and bare.

I was trying to just get on with things and force myself to be ok, telling myself that everything was ‘all good’ but it wasn’t.  I couldn’t pretend anymore, my mess was spewing out and I had no strength to fight it back anymore.

I just needed to get away from everything.  All I wanted to do was sleep and just be.  Dad spoke to work for me and told them I’d be going away for a while, he told me to go home and pack my stuff; he was coming to get me…

More coming soon…Xx