My new journal

I am soooooo very much looking forward to starting my new journal. It’s fresh and new, I just purchased today:)

My last journal saw some dark times, so I’m pleased that I can enter into a new journal with a fresh and more positive outlook…let the journey begin!

…there’s nothing like starting a fresh new journal, so excited!!!

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Self Esteem

Today I’ve just started reading a book about self esteem and it’s got me thinking about my self esteem and the highs and lows I’ve experienced.  Its been an ongoing uphill battle at times, but I am thankful that I am on the up nowadays.  I think I can equate it to a combination of things (personal therapy, my counselling training, my faith in God, self acceptance etc).

I have come to the conclusion now that the foundation of my self

esteem comes from understanding and accepting myself

(which is an ongoing process) and most importantly…

…what I believe about myself.


Also in my profession as a counsellor and personal development trainer, I have witnessed personally from my client work how the thoughts and beliefs that run through ones mind (from past negative, difficult and painful experiences), can so powerfully overtake a person and literally have the power to break you.

However, when a person begins the journey into self awareness and starts to see the effects of their experiences in their thought life, with this insight they can choose to begin the process of replacing the old unhelpful beliefs with new life giving truthful beliefs – this is a process.  In my truthful and honest opinion, my experience has shown me that only God can supernaturally change a person, restore and heal the deep hurts that life has bruised us with.  Then the word (Jesus/The Bible) continues the ongoing washing, healing and restoration process.

Simply put: WHAT YOU BELIEVER ABOUT YOURSELF IS WHAT WILL MANIFEST AS YOUR REALITY.

So, simply put again: in order to challenge and change your thoughts, beliefs, perceptions etc.  The mind must be challenged about the negative, old and unhelpful thoughts/beliefs and replaced/renewed with new positive, inspiring, empowering, life giving thoughts/beliefs etc.

I believe that only Gods word is the true inspiration and has the transforming power that we need to renew our minds and our lives to live peaceful, purposeful and fulfilled lives.

Life is a journey, an ongoing process and we are always learning…


BUT one must start their journey with a true and honest intention to seek answers to their quetions and solutions for their problems etc…and be willing to put the work in – THEN the exciting process of change, growth and development etc begins!

I have come to the stage in my journey that I fully, whole heartedly and completely rely solely on every word that God gives (either through the bible or spiritual revelation).

The word of God is my: strength, hope, inspiration, encouragement, comfort, wisdom, motivation, empowerment, guide.  It is the reflection I need in the areas of my life that needs growth, development and maturity.

I simply cannot function in this life without God and I NEED to spend as much time as I can in His presence (reading the word, meditating, reflecting, praying, worshipping with music, being in church and with like minded believers).

I have tried MANY things to manage and cope with life but honestly, nothing comes close to a true relationship, utter and complete dependence on God.
I have to be honest though, I do have my down days when I will think various negative thoughts like:

“What’s the point?” 

“Am I really getting anywhere?” 

“When will I see the answer to the prayers I’ve prayed long ago?”

……And the classic:

“Its not fair, why me?” or even “Why not me – when will it be my turn?”

But I realise that sometimes its just the enemy taunting me and trying to upset me, steal my joy, plant seeds of doubt etc, and other times its just me allowing the old thoughts and negative thoughts (based on past experiences) replay in my mind.  At these times, I may have a little sulk, shed some tears, take a rest and listen to some inspiring music, find something inspiring to read, pray and/or I’ll channel these thoughts and feelings into writing a song or journalling etc.  Every day and situation is different, so I just go with the flow of what is right for that moment.

However God is without a doubt my lifeline and I am learning to trust Him daily.

X x

Free to be me!

FREEDOM!

 

After 6 months of redundancy, 5 of which I spent fretting about what it is I was going to do with myself, I am finally at peace.  I realised towards the end of 2011 that I didn’t want to find another 9-5 to disappear into again.  In fact, I never want to work another 9-5 again for the rest of my life!  I’m just not wired that way.  I need my freedom!  I need to have the flexibility to come and go as I please and focus my energy on what I want to do.  I don’t want to answer to a boss or fall in line with someone else’s agenda. 

I just want to be me! 

So I have given myself permission to just do me and I am loving it!

The 2 things I enjoy the most is writing (hence this blog), singing and songwriting.  I also have a special love for the guitar and I have already written and performed a few acoustic inspirational songs.  When I sing and get around music, I get this sense of peace and belonging.  It is as if everything inside me is in unity and I fly away into another realm of peace and tranquillity. 

This time is very special to me, because I have finally allowed myself to explore my passion for music fully.  I say finally because when I was 16 I auditioned and was accepted into the BRITS performing arts school (which is not an easy school to get into), to do a music course, but I dropped out just after 2 day!  At the time I thought it was the best thing for me, I was very insecure with my musical abilities and was absolutely petrified of failing.  I tortured myself by comparing myself against the other students who seemed SO much better than me and convinced myself that I would be better off at an academic college doing A ‘Levels!  I didn’t do so well in my A ‘Levels, in fact I left with 2 E’s in sociology and business studies!  I knew I had made a mistake not long after I had left BRITS, but I had made my decision and had to get on with it.  It has been a regret I have carried for the last 15 years, but after my redundancy, it gave me the push I needed to do something about it.

So last September 2011, I enrolled myself onto a song writing and artist development diploma course and I haven’t looked back.   My prayer is that one-day (hopefully soon) that I will have the opportunity to do something professionally with my music, so I am starting by developing myself.  In addition to my diploma course I am am taking singing, guitar lessons and basic music theory with my tutor. 

The fear of failure is no longer an issue.  The energy I used to supress this innate desire I have for music has now been refocused and channelled into allowing myself to explore and be free with it.

So I visualise the best of what I want, believe anything is possible, speak life over my dreams and take action to get me to the place I want to be. 

Bless 🙂 xx

 

My blog birth!

So…I’ve been thinking about doing this life journey blog for about 6 months now, but  have putting it off for various different reasons…blah blah…excuses, excuses!!

I figured that there is no time like the present, and even if no one reads this, at least I can say it is something I wanted to do and I gave it a shot…and if nothing else maybe my kids will find it and get a kick out of reading it when I am long gone lol – enjoy kids (my future kid that I will one day have lol!) mummy loves you!

Anyway, my reason for wanting to write this blog is because I love writing and sharing my interests, discoveries, insights etc with others and thought it would be great to combine the two together.

So…whoever you are, if you enjoy my blog(s) feel free to comment, get in touch, ‘like,’ ‘share,’ or whatever it is you decide to do best:)

By for now

T Saf xx